Fathering a Daughter Who Wins Olympic Gold
Steve Dolson calls out the same advice to his daughter Stefanie when he watches her on TV playing basketball as he did when she was twelve, playing in a Minisink Valley High School gym:
“You’re the biggest. Don’t dribble—shoot!”
He recalled this after watching Stefanie, now 29, win an Olympics gold medal with her 3-on-3 basketball team in Tokyo.
However, being the biggest was a burden for her growing up, her father said. Her athletic talent was not immediately apparent, as he coached her, her two older sisters and younger brother in a variety of sports, beginning with T-ball in Minisink Valley Little League.
When Stefanie was five, he said, “She’d sit down in the middle of the field during a T-ball game and pick daisies, dig a hole in the dirt or gaze at another game. All the kids did that. Kids’ minds change daily, and she had a mind of her own. I didn’t force my kids, but I encouraged them.”
Stefanie tried many sports and liked soccer, softball and volleyball, along with basketball, which she played in local recreation leagues, Dolson said. He coached several sports for those leagues, so when Stefanie was in elementary school, her father was sometimes her coach.
“I tried to keep the relationship coach/player, not father/daughter. I didn’t give her more playing time, and I told her, like the others, ‘Keep moving. Keep your head in the game.”
But Dolson confessed that he sometimes challenged referees, causing some father-daughter tension.
“Games where referees didn’t see that kids were holding onto Stefanie’s arm, I got in trouble for yelling at the ref,” said Dolson. “She would turn around and give me a look: Stop. I’d be quiet for a while.”
However, he noticed he wasn’t the only father compelled to coach the referees. Later he found himself standing near another father yelling at the referee at one of Stefanie’s games.
“The referee turned around and looked at us. I’d learned to be quiet, but that guy was constant. I said, ‘It was him, not me.’ The ref said, ‘One more word and your out.’”
When Stefanie was about 15, her American Athletics Union basketball coach advised her to get some exposure by traveling to games elsewhere.
“He told us, ‘If she puts her mind to it, she can do great things,’ but he would joke, ‘You better have her birth certificate,’ because she was so tall,” said Dolson. “Those trips often became family vacations. We got up together at 4 a.m. Her siblings were her biggest fans.”
At home, the Dolson children were playfully competitive, he said. Who could jump highest on the trampoline? But Stefanie’s athletic stardom could have caused family friction. When she was in eighth grade, she made the varsity basketball team that her older sister, a senior, was on. Her sister decided not to continue, anticipating that she would be on the bench while Stefanie was on the court.
“But Stefanie’s sister cheered her on every game,” said Dolson. “Family came first with us, and for Stefanie, her team is her family.”
With her rise in the world of basketball came a reckoning with her body, as she approached her height of 6’5”.
“There was a time when Stefanie wasn’t happy with herself and her body image, until a certain point in high school. Then she grew into her body, accepting her size. This is who I am, how big I am. My role as her dad was to support her, be there, lend a hand. When she came out, we were very accepting,” Dolson said.
He drove her into New York City, a two-hour drive, twice a week for two-hour practices. Stefanie kept up with homework by doing it on the way, gaining herself a place in the National Honor Society. She was recruited by multiple colleges and ultimately chose the University of Connecticut.
“When Stefanie was older, I just cheered for the whole team.’ I didn’t yell,” said Dolson.
He cheered her on in Tokyo during early morning family gatherings by their TV in Greenville, as Covid-19 restrictions prevented them from accompanying Olympians to Tokyo. Meanwhile, his 15 co-workers at Civil Tec Engineering in Chester, where Dolson manages the surveying department, delayed going to work while they watched.l Then, for 48 hours, Stefanie was with them and appeared in a parade celebrating her victory. County Executive Steve Neuhaus named that day, July 31, Stephanie Dolson Day in Orange County.
Dolson watched his daughter closely when she was asked to speak. Although she was a communications major in college, she hates speaking in public, he said.
“I watched her face shift from dread and fear to excitement. Then the words flowed,” said Dolson.
Afterward, she flew back to Chicago to resume life with her team, Chicago Sky.
“She’s in the best shape of her life and enjoying her career. I know players pushing 40,” Dolson said. “But if the right opportunity comes up, who knows?”